Funny English Signs

What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer: feedback. Don't forget that feedback is one of the essential elements of good communication.-Anynomous

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for

Sign in a London department store:
Bargain Basement upstairs

In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

On a church door:
This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept lock because of the draft. Please use side door)

In a German cafe:
Mothers, please wash your hans before eating.

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:
Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

Notice in a dry cleaner’s window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of

Sign on motorway garage:
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is

Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shout, "room service!"

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.—Sisters of Mercy

In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.

In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On a Tennessee highway:
When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in you car.

Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn’t work)

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? -George Carlin